You’re Not a Doormat — So Stop Laying Down for Everyone

Ever feel that you are an unpaid intern in another's life?

You agree with things you don't want to do.

You feel guilty of setting boundaries.

You said “yes” before you even realized what was going on.

Congratulations, that you are in the The people who are pleasing vortex.

And let me tell you from the experience – this is exhausting.

For years, I thought to be “Nice” It means to be in order, easy, and always available. Turns, just mean I'm running empty, filled with quiet resentment, while everyone walks happy.

So if you are done bending backward for people who will not lift a finger for you, let's talk How to stop people enjoying it and start prioritizing yourself.

The real cost of pleasing people

There is this chart that I once saw it perfectly composed:

🟢 work

🟢 Family

🟢 Friends

🟢 Social Obligations

🟢 Doing favors for those who do not deserve

🔴 Relaxing? There is nowhere to find.

That's a person's life-satisfying.

You spend a lot of time to make sure everyone is happy that your own happiness is getting buldos.

• You over-commit to things you don't want to do.

• You let people push your boundaries because it feels like confrontation scary than used.

• You end up being tired, burned, and wondering why no Your needs.

Really?

When you are Prioritize the happiness of others to yourself, you do not live – you just survived.

So let's fix that.

5 ways to stop being a machine that pleases people

1️⃣ Do 'No' your default setting

If this is not a hell yes, This is a no.

It looks cruel, but think about it: Every “yes” to something you don't care about is a “no” in things that really matter.

And let's be true – most of the things you say yes? You probably regret it later.

🔹 Extra work projects you don't have time? No.

🔹 Social Events to get rid of you? No.

🔹 helping someone move again When do they never return the favor? Absolutely not.

Early in your career, saying the doors are opening.

Later in life, saying yes they will close.

The more important you are in your time becomes, the more merciless you need to be with.

2️⃣ How to say 'no' without sound like an asshole

Here's a The beautiful formula of rejection (steal it):

1. Thanks to them for thinking of you.

2. Identify this seems like a great opportunity.

3. Say you are overcommitted and not paying attention.

4. They want luck.

Example:

“Hey [Name]Thanks for reaching out! It's like an amazing project, and I really appreciate that you think of me. Unfortunately, I was stretched out too thin, and I couldn't give it a time. I know it's going to be great, and I'm excited to see where to take it! “

✅ polite.

✅ There is no excessive explanation.

✅ There is no guilt.

The key? Do not leave a room for negotiations.

People respect clear boundaries. They walk throughout the unclear.

3️⃣ Borders are a cheat code for sanity

There is a quote I want:

“The unlucky expectations are preceding resentment.”

If a person maintains overstepping, this is Your work to make the border clear.

Here's a 5-step boundary-setting script to use:

1. “Isn't it a bad time now?” (This makes people happier.)

2. “When you are ____, I feel ____.” (Say the issue calmly.)

3. “I have a personal rule where I allow/not allow ____.” (I -frame it as a rule, not a request.)

4. “If you continue to do ____, I will need ____.” (Set a consequence if necessary.)

5. “I hope we can do this work.” (End on a positive note.)

It works on Each Scenario – work, relationships, friendships, even family.

Since as soon as you start implementing the boundaries, you will start Teaching people how to treat you.

4️⃣ Be kind, not 'beautiful'

There is a big difference:

Good person Avoid hard talk to maintain peace.

Kind people Have a hard time talking because they really care.

🔹 a nice Manager of Sugarcoats Feedback to avoid hurting emotions.

🔹 a Kindly The manager provides honest comments because they want to improve their team.

🔹 a nice A friend agrees with you even when you make a bad decision.

🔹 a Kindly Friend calls you because they don't want you to ruin your life.

Goodness is Performative.

Kindness is developing.

Be kind. And stop wasting your time nice To those who do not deserve it.

5️⃣ Normalize the 'Goodbye' gift

You are not indebted to:

❌ Friends to drain your energy.

❌ Jobs that make you happy.

❌ Relationships that make you feel small.

If there is no adding to your life, This is a reduction from it.

People of high value Walk away from things that do not serve them.

And the best part?

You don't need to Closing. You don't need a Long explanation. You just need to Decide.

“It doesn't work for me anymore.”

That's all you need.

How to really stop pleasing people

1. Say 'no' more often → if it is not a Hell yesIt's a No.

2. Learn to say that 'not' pleasant → polite, stable, and final.

3. Set clear boundaries → You teach people how to treat you.

4. Be kind, not 'beautiful' → Loyalty> Avoid conflict.

5. Normalize the walking away → You have no debt to anyone in your time.

Your work is No. that everyone likes.

Your work is the Be true to yourself.

If someone does not respect your boundaries, your time, or your energy … They are not your people.

Conclusion

“Don't be afraid to lose people. Be afraid of losing yourself trying them out.”

You can't make everything happy.

So you can start with yourself as well.

Till next,

Ben